I’m already in way over my head
Zack! It’s June! How is this possible?
It happened so quickly. I’m officially advocating for people to actively guard against Fantasy Football Creep. Let me tell you how I realized that I am so fucked this Fantasy Football season IN JUNE.
Number of leagues: They’ve crept beyond my control. I should have input into how many leagues I participate in, right? Wrong.
The worst part? I’m not 100% positive I listed all the leagues I’m in below. Do you know what that’s like? I could get texted anytime between now and October and be told I have a Draft happening right now and I just missed my first pick. Do you think I have the right login information for a league I forgot about? You’re delusional.
I had the best fantasy season of my life last season, largely on the back of Jalen Hurts. Throughout this article you will get hints into my fantasy strategy and thought process. I’d advise against playing fantasy like me.
ESPN LEAGUES
I’ve been in a Wentworth Ultimate league for a gross amount of years. It’s very fun, laid back, and historic. Every week the lowest scorer sends the group a shotgun video (beer). My North Myrtle Rum Buckets came in third place last season. I did several volunteer shotguns and had some shotgun bets against friends after feeling left out for always scoring a ton of points. I figure anything beyond the playoffs is gold- there’s simply too many things you can’t control. Also Mikey is the loser and will be taking the SATs in August, which I intend to tailgate.
Last year I strongly advocated for the development of another, separate, keeper league. We barely got enough participants, and I personally am the only string linking some members of this menagerie of folks together. Did I need to do that? No. Did I push anyway and make it happen? Of Course.
I fucking dominated this league. I don’t give a shit about the 8-6 record. I got everyone’s best games, and led the league in Points For and Points Against for a stupid amount of the season. My guys (Augusta N’atl Army Dillos) simply couldn’t close. Coming into this season with a chip on the shoulder.
This league proved to me that there is far more luck involved than skill when it comes to Fantasy. See Stan’s wonderful article Grading My Draft Grade Grades for a particularly uncouth recount of the season’s finale.
Sleeper League
Whose Toes Are Those? This was once a Yahoo league that we moved to Sleeper. I think it was an upgrade.
For a long time this was my back-burner league. This league is full of homies I met through good friend Dan. Most of them grew up together, but they’ve been warm and welcoming to several of us that bring good vibes.
Historically, I have been the whipping boy of the league. Take a week off, rest the guys, get the bench some reps. Zack won’t put up a fight. Sometimes leagues are just like that.
So last season I made my team name Just Having Fun. It seemed like a clear way to send the message: You will beat me, and no one will congratulate you. I love the people in the league, love the trash talk, love having a way to keep in touch with people. Sometimes that’s the whole point. Having a reason to fire off a spicy text on a Thursday morning ‘cuz you haven’t talked to your matchup in a while. Our group chat for this league is known for absolutely exploding at a moment’s notice. The guy that lost last season is tasked with creating a viral Tik-Tok. His approach is fart videos.
I actually did really well in this league last season. Went 11-3 and led the league in Points For. Totally whimpered away in the playoffs, but see above. There’s just too many uncontrollables.
We held a league meeting already. Let me say that one more time, and really think about it. We held a league meeting already. Football’s in September. It is June. Full on summer. Don’t get me wrong: I love hoppin’ on a zoom with the fellas and a stack of Coors lites like it’s 2020 again. But it was mere moments before I looked like a deer in headlights. They were using words to describe rules and theoretical circumstances that I could not comprehend. I have years of Fantasy experience. Years! I just pick the guys that score a lot. Or don’t, as is more often the case. How can there be this much to it?
We’re not even settled. We need more meetings. Again, don’t misunderstand. I think this is a great thing! We’re quelling civil unrest mid-season before it germinates. (This is a wonderful concept, but people, as a whole, no matter the group, will find things to complain about. This is basically a fundamental law of nature).
Yahoo League
Are you thinking “I don’t know, Zack. Seems like you have a good handle on things.” Let me correct you now.
I was invited to a HISTORIC league this offseason. The kind of invite where the invite is just a formality; you’re playing. No is not an option.
This league has a document. Those in the business may understand. There is a document of rules. There may be more than one, I’m not entirely sure. The discord is not only active, but has an overwhelming amount of threads: some are dedicated to recreational memes, another is for league polls, of course there’s a dedicated Trade-Block thread, and there’s even a fledgling podcast.
What the actual fuck have I gotten myself into?
Hand Up: I do not know the ins and outs of Fantasy Football. I try to pick players I like.
This league will be my highest ever buy-in. There’s a retreat planned for Draft Weekend. These folks have been going at each other’s throats for years. They can recall, with shocking accuracy, legendary Week 6 matchups. I couldn’t tell you which team half the top players in the league will even be playing for this year.
I’ve gotta stick to what I know this season. Stay away from running backs early. Draft stud wide receivers. Only the top two tight ends are worth anything. Grab veterans in the prime of their careers. Take a guy with huge upside. Keep it simple; take good players. Read the articles. Take notes. Remember that winning Lady Luck’s favor is more important than knowing who led the league is touchdowns last season.
Woof. Pray for me.
Zack
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