I am still here and ready to briefly update on my year! It’s been maybe the best year yet, and the gratitude comes naturally.
The thing I’m most upset about in life right now is my writing output. That is to say, I’m doing really well. Such a small thing against all the good I’ve got going for me.
I am several months into my latest full time gig: stay at home Dad. I am reminded often, by others and through time spent with my daughter, that this is the greatest job.
Grace is very conscious of my sanity and gives me plenty of time off, and her mom watches Nellie quite regularly.
Each day brings heart-filling cuddles. Getting one of those huge joyful smiles out of Nellie is a drug. Feels like I’m tired all the time, but this year has been much less stressful than the last as a whole. An anxious pregnancy and trepidation toward the unknown have fallen away and left us with the sweetest, most perfect little baby.
At 10.5 months old now, Nellie skipped crawling and demands that we bend in half so she can grab our hands and walk around. Soon enough she will be able to chase the cats or rummage through the cabinets without me. I hope my back lasts that long, she is quite short.
Nellie and I meet on the same battlefield 2-3 times a day. I’ve won and lost my fair share, but it seems each day is defined by her napping. She does not like to nap. I knew before, but couldn’t fully comprehend how important naps are. There are many reasons she needs them, but I think at this point I need them more?
Everything is cyclical and related. One day she’s napping an hour and half a hit, the next she barely gets half an hour, filled with brief moments when I think I’ve won before she snaps her eyes open like the undertaker, ripping away my victory along with all hope of a few minutes to myself. She’s growing and learning and teething and I am *fairly* patient.
Time to myself is harder to come by. I carve it out during sleepy, dark, quiet mornings, and it is hard not to be upset when I sleep in and miss out.
I’ve felt super lonely at times this year. They say it happens to guys in their 30s, it happens to parents, it happens to stay at home parents, it happens in a sedentary numbed out culture, it happens. I miss my friends. I haven’t been good about reaching out or planning or even responding. Fantasy football scratched the itch. I’ve joined a night out with local writers once a month. I seek more.
Time.
I have journaled a lot, and written many letters to Nellie. So I guess I’ve written a fair amount, but not much of it is outward facing. Every day, every week, and every month is a battle to balance life, which I’m sure my readers can relate to. I’ve woken up early lately to meditate, write, and enjoy a peaceful coffee out of my cat mug. When Nellie wakes up I have to switch to a travel mug because it goes cold. We tend to wander away from my coffee and toward books and toys, or the kitchen to do laps around the table. Being present with her is something I’m serious about. I exercise a few times a week, I make small decisions to eat cleaner and go to bed earlier, though I’m prone to regular relapses. Living a healthy and long life has never meant so much to me as it has this year.
I have chipped away at another book. I think about it every day. Someone at writing group told me I’m young and I appreciate that. My career is young, and there’s plenty ahead if I just keep chipping bit by bit.
Grace and I have enjoyed this winter so much more than the previous few. We skated on a frozen lake, skied a few days, and mixed in plenty of sledding and snowball throwing for Zelda dog. Maybe it is Nellie, maybe it is the snow, but this winter has been great.
The rest of 2025 is looking hectic. Big wedding year and maybe a few trips overseas. I can think of at least one big weekend in each month, which is exciting.
I can’t lie and say I don’t think about Spring Break, cheap clams, and rum buckets with the boys though.
I’m am conscious of the rambling in my writing, so this seems like enough for now. I didn’t post much in 2024, and I’m hoping to change that in 2025.
Much love,
Zack
Perfect. Happy Birthday to you ❤️