What am I Doing?

I have quit my most recent job in engineering with no plans to get another. There are a million reasons why, but very simply I was not happy.

I *barely* graduated Wentworth in May of 2017 with a five-year bachelor’s in Electromechanical Engineering. I say barely not because I couldn’t pass, my grades were respectable. But I barely finished the program. There were many times that I felt like a square peg in a round hole. I thought I wasn’t smart enough, that I couldn’t think the correct way, that it was too hard for me. Overcoming college is something I’m incredibly proud of.

Recently I looked around at my life, had some long conversations with people I am close to, and spent a lot of time thinking. The truth is I am incredibly blessed. I have a supportive and hardworking partner, and together we were extremely lucky to get a house that has served us marvelously. We have an awesome life together and our recent wedding was the best day of our lives. My student loans have been whittled down to what I’ll call “manageable.” But I was not happy going to work every day. I was not making time for the things I wanted to be doing in my life and not growing in the ways I want to be.

For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to write more. I used to say I went to school for engineering because I didn’t want school to ruin writing for me. My pragmatism played a role in that decision; I could always make money as an engineer and do what I want in my free time. It was a lot safer. My four years in the work force have enabled me to have a lifestyle I know so many others can’t. But it seems like every day since I graduated I’ve dreamt of the novels I would write and the stories I would tell. Not the problems I would solve.

I am a much better engineer than I was a student. My ego grew every time I caught some little detail or designed something I thought was really smart. But I couldn’t find balance. I took it too seriously, took things personally, got frustrated with coworkers, became pessimistic and unapproachable. I fell into a terrible sleep pattern- waking up in the middle of the night and losing the battle to control my thoughts. Or failing to fall asleep for hours. I spent multiple hours each day rambling about my frustrations. I was being asked to work far more than I could manage. And I found myself addicted to the paychecks.

I’ve always had a natural way with words. My grandmother fostered my creativity early and often. She used to share her latest work and ask me for feedback, even if I was a bratty booger factory in a six-year old’s body. I have had an incredible cast of inspiring teachers. I love reading and writing and creating and I’ve been doing it forever. During life’s most emotionally challenging moments, I turned to writing to find peace and understanding; it has always been a constant for me.

If I’m dreaming about the novels I’ll write whenever I’m walking the dog, out for a run, driving home from work- why am I not spending a minute of my conscious life writing them?

What am I doing? I am giving myself the chance to try writing for a living*, because if I don’t, I will regret it. I am a writer now, and I will start saying it without trepidation.

*There’s some unrelated part time work in my near future, because otherwise what kind of writer would I be?

What can you expect from me on this aesthetically challenged site?

Short Fiction
Crude Fantasy Football Commentary
Blogs

I am working to release a book by the end of 2022. I started writing it in High School and I returned to it earlier this year to finish. It is rough and the target audience is quite small, but I’m finishing it anyway because it is mine, and good practice!

I intend to participate in Novel November- which is apparently a thing where people aim to write 50,000 word novels in November. (~200 pages mas o menos)

I’ve written a lot of songs, and I intend to continue! My music production skills are quite lacking, so it might be a while before you hear anything.

I have DnD material to put out.

I intend to write more books, starting with a large project after November! And once I finish with Eleven and Hotonoma…

I owe so much to my deep network of support. If you’ve made it this far, I love ya! I hope I become part of your morning coffee, work procrastination, bathroom or bedtime reading. I would love to write what you read on the toilet (on company hours, whenever possible).

Love,
The Real Zack Smith